Just a young woman discovering herself..slowly.

I think as long as im happy than thats all that matters, and anybody and everybodies self opinions can go suck a dick. ive come to learn that my business is just that. MY business. Sucks that it took me this long to realize that.nobody cares if you have shit on going on in your life. and when they do its only so they can be nosey and know every little detail in your life. pathetic. 

From this week forward im keeping my big ass mouth shut. and if anything in this fucked up world is ment to be than it will. and everyone else can juss die in the wanders of not knowing what the fuck is going on in my life ;) i got this 

• • I miss you. N no not in the creeper way. Lol but i miss the friendship we had. We were real close at one point. i juss really miss my ex boo 

• what you saw wasnt me at all..

Its a fact. i live in a house full of selfish ass people. and than others are so quick to judge when i dont get shit done. when the truth is its because of these people that i dont. but im not one to point the finger. just real mad and done with it all i guess. i can not wait for the day i move out. like my cousin ill leave and never come back..only on special occasions. she complains that she doesnt get to see us as much. but i mean, how can you miss all of this extra. im tired of the daily drugs deals. tired of all the randoms coming in n out as if its a hotel. tired of everyone acting as if nothing is going on. come on now we’re not all 10 anymore. we see you people going into the room to get a hit of the crack pipe. you think we dont notice as your teeth slowly decay. it sickens me to see people pick something as stupid as a drug over their family. but its life i guess. all i know is i swear on my daughter i will never be them. 

smile-TUPAC

(song of the day)

Sometimes the word sorry just isnt enough. 

We decided to just stay friends.. and the moment he said that. my heart dropped. i cried infront of my cousin and our friend. they kept telling me that theres other fish in the sea. but i didnt want that. i wanted him and what we had back. he was the first person that i actually ever felt something when we kissed. he would always make me lowkey nervous when i knew i was seeing him, or not even nervous. just like a butterfly feeling in my stomach. we shared the same sense of humor. he would talk shit with me. i never met someone who took my sarcasm as a good thing and not an insult. The first person who actually genuinely cared about me. i would cry and he would listen. oddly we could have a conversation without even saying one word to eachother.just by a look. Do you know how rare that is to find in someone. often he would make me blush just by looking at me. oh how i hated when he would do that.

but like i said i messed up. i was drunk and mad and trying to make a point. but who was i fooling cause in realty the only person i really cared about was the one i was trying to make mad in the first place. i just want to be his girl again. cause i am a good girl. i have never cheated inna relationship in my entire life. and it sickens me that i would even stoop to that level as to kiss someone else when im being with someone. after it all happened i didnt really eat for a week. just mad at myself i guess. BUT..

everything is all said and done tho and i doubt he ever wants me again..only time will tell…